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ive looked it up how to fix the unplayable lag. 

Workaround: Go to Config > Emulation Settings > EE/IOP tab, and set Clamping Mode to "Full".

but i am not able to do this. as its grey.
how do i do this?

What? That's how to fix it breaking on cutscenes, nothing to do with lag. Also in 1.7 this is done automatically for you.

instead of telling us what you think the solution is (and isn't), tell us your PCSX2 version and what hardware you have. NFS Carbon is very demanding.

didnt know. i have the latest. i might of sorted it